Nov. 19, 2014

By Steve Tartaglia
Diocesan director, Family Life ministry

When I was in college I believed God was preparing me for something special, but I didn’t know what.  I wanted to get married, but didn’t feel ready for the responsibility and wasn’t convinced I would find the right person for me. 

I used to play a game in which I would see a young woman and pretend to have a conversation with God in my mind.  I would say “Is that the one?” and He would reply in my voice “If I told you that was the one would you believe me?”  I would say “Yes” and He would reply “That’s not the one.” 

This went on and on until I met Christina. 

The moment I saw her the first time I instantly heard a voice that wasn’t my voice coming from inside me somewhere, as if I heard it from the inside out, in my mind and heart at the same time, but not with my ears.  And the voice said…”That’s the one.”

I was surprised because she was a virtual stranger to me.  I didn’t know anything about her.  I had never before or after heard that message about anyone else and it came with such clarity.  I went home and wrote about the experience in my journal.  Years later, when I was describing the story to a friend, he said it reminded him of the story of Samuel identifying David from among all of his brothers, and this was significant for me because I had chosen Samuel as my Confirmation name.

We began to spend time together as friends, getting to know each other.  Clearly neither of us were developmentally ready for marriage.  Ironically, we both believed we might have a calling to a religious vocation.  Discerning a vocation to the priesthood meant going off to the seminary, so I did, and it was the best decision of my life. 

While in seminary formation I had a regular routine that included exercise, prayer, study, spiritual direction, and mentoring.  I was surrounded by other men that were all pursuing the same goal, the discernment of God’s call in their lives.

I continued to journal and kept a pretty decent record of those six years.  When I reread my journal I didn’t know what to make of the experience with Christina and, conflicted, I would often just think I was mistaken.

I continued on in the seminary until God made it clear that priesthood was not what He was calling me to.  I left seminary and reconnected with Christina.  A few years later we married each other.

I share this story for two reasons.  First, I want you to know that all vocations need to be discerned carefully.  Discernment is a process of looking, thinking, praying, talking to others, getting guidance from trustworthy mentors and making the best decision you can.  A religious vocation takes at least six years of discernment.  Ironically, the discernment process for getting married tends to be much hastier.

Second, I want you to know that God does talk to us all the time.  God calls each of us in a way that is very personal.  Sometimes it might be difficult to describe to another person just exactly how God talks to us because what is so personally convincing to us might not really have the same effect on someone else.

In order to hear God, we need to be paying attention, and I think a big part of paying attention involves turning away from things that lead us away from God.

Another essential part is the necessity of faith.  Faith means that you believe in something that you can’t see at the time. 

Pope Francis has asked us to memorize the beatitudes.  My favorite is “Blessed are the pure of heart, for they shall see God.”  There is nothing I want more than to see the God who I have heard and felt in my mind and heart, face to face.  I believe that the vocation that God calls each of us to is designed to have the effect of purifying our hearts so that we will be able to see Him face to face.

I remember, toward the end of my time in seminary, meditating on Psalm 37:4, “Take delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”  I asked my friend who had just been ordained if he was happy.  He said that the day of his ordination was the happiest day of his life.  He meant it and it was apparent. 

I didn’t experience that for myself until the day I married my best friend.  Then came the days that each of my five children were born.  Then there were first teeth, first steps, first words, first days of school and “I love you Daddy.” 

Each of these happy milestones confirmed my vocation and made me want to be a better, holier man.
God called me to marriage and family life and for this I cannot thank Him enough.  How does God talk to you and what is He asking you to do and to become?

Steve and Christina Tartaglia are Shown on their  April 6, 2002 wedding day. Father Albert Hauser presided at the ceremony at Sacred Heart Cathedral in Rochester.