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I have no control over this

By Darcy L. Fargo

Darcy Fargo

November 18, 2020

Fresh out of high school, I thought I wanted to be an English teacher. When I started college, my declared major was English education for grades 7 through 12.

My first semester, I was scheduled to take an education course. I didn’t make it through one week of that course before I determined teaching grades 7 through 12 was not where I was called. I dropped the course and the education portion of my major, opting instead to dual major in history/government and English.

“I can’t think of anything more miserable than teaching junior high students,” I’ve been known to say. “I’m pretty confident kids in grades 7 and 8 lose their humanity. They’re tough!”

I couldn’t help but think of that series of sentences as I was attempting to help my son, Jake, now in grade 8, with his schoolwork this week. For those who aren’t aware, schools in Franklin County, where my family and I live, announced this week that they would be closing the school buildings and returning to a remote-only format from now until at least January.

I now find myself working from home a couple days a week to help Jake with his education. Every time I think about it, and every time I try to help him with math, I feel uncertain. I’m uncertain that I’m up to the task of helping educate him. I’m uncertain I’m teaching him well. I’m uncertain that this situation won’t impact his mental health and his personal development.

And there are other uncertainties, too. My family is uncertain if the school closures will affect my husband’s employment. Like everyone, I’m worried the increase in coronavirus positives will lead us back into a shutdown situation.

I was relaying all this stress and uncertainty to a caring professional with whom I work. While she empathized with my situation and noted that I was understandably feeling stressed, she also made another observation: “This seems like a good opportunity for you to put your trust in God.”

I struggle with that. I struggle to relinquish my reliance upon myself to navigate hardships and uncertainties.

This professional reminded me that worrying and focusing on my stress doesn’t improve my situation in any way, and it doesn’t give me any more control. She reminded me that God’s will, not mine, will be done. All I can do is try to accept it graciously and cooperate with it.

There’s some peace in accepting that God’s will is being done, even if we can’t always see it through our lens of uncertainties.

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