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It doesn’t make much sense

By Darcy L. Fargo

Darcy Fargo

November 10, 2021

I’m not sure why I care about this, but I do.

If my husband or son replaces an empty roll of toilet paper with a new one, there’s a 50-50 chance the roll will be placed in a way I consider “the wrong way” (to me, that means with the loose end under the roll). If that happens, I don’t say anything, but I flip the roll to “the right way,” my preferred way. Confession: I’ve actually done this – flipped the TP roll to my desired position – at work and in other homes/establishments.

Does it really matter which way the paper hangs on the roll? No. It’s yet another way I try to conform the world around me to my will, my preferences and my way.

I thought of my paper-flipping habit as I talked with a friend about aspects of my relationship with the Lord.

I can think of times in my life when I’ve been angry or upset with God. Typically, my negative emotions stem from the fact that I don’t understand some part of God’s plan and/or something doesn’t turn out as I hoped or intended.

I get upset with God because I’m not him.

I like getting my way. I like when my plans come to fruition. I like when outcomes are predictable. I have a habit of causing myself unnecessary stress trying to make situations and people conform to my ways and my will. I struggle to surrender my will to God as I’m called to do.

As I discussed this with my friend, he pointed out that there’s grace and beauty in not having to be God.

There’s freedom in knowing I don’t have to be in control, and I don’t have to work hard to make things fit my will. I don’t have to make things perfect. God is perfect enough, and he has everything under control.

God gives us the gift of being able to say, “I don’t need to worry; the outcome isn’t mine to control.”

It’s a beautiful gift, yet I somehow fight not to take it by holding onto my will and my worry as I pursue my way.

It makes about as much sense as my habit of flipping toilet paper rolls.

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