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‘You’re missing a chance’

By Darcy L. Fargo

Darcy Fargo

January 19, 2022

It was a graphic someone posted in an online Catholic women’s group in which I participate. The graphic was a “checking in” post, asking group members to rate how they’re doing. Options included “thriving,” “surviving,” “struggling” or “in crisis,” and the graphic included descriptions and a color code (green to red) for each option.

After reading a few of the early responses, I decided not to participate in the conversation.


All the early comments were from women who were somewhere between “surviving” and “in crisis.” No one reported that they’re “thriving.”

“I don’t want to be ‘that person,’” I told another group member, a friend of mine, in a private conversation. “I feel like I’m bragging if I say I’m thriving right now.”

“It’s not like you haven’t spent plenty of time surviving or struggling or in crisis,” my friend responded. “But you’ve done a lot of work on growing spiritually, setting boundaries and making time to take care of yourself. You should be proud that you’re thriving. I feel like you’re missing a chance to be a witness to the fact that growth and improvement is possible.”

“You’re missing a chance to be a witness.”

That sentence could be applied to other parts of my life, too.

I can think of many, many occasions when I had an opportunity to witness to Christ’s love, but I failed to do so out of a desire to not stand out or appear weird or different.

Similarly, I can think of a number of times when I had an opportunity to talk about the dignity of all life from conception to natural death as people around me rally behind a culture of death and promote “the right to choose,” but I chose to remain silent to avoid conflict or, again, so I don’t appear to be weird or different.

After talking to my friend, I went back to that online group discussion and talked about how I’m currently “thriving.” I didn’t want to lose the chance to be a witness.

And while I’m sure I won’t be perfect, and I’m sure I’ll still struggle with that impulse to fit in and not be different, I am committed to trying my best to be a better witness to Christ’s love and to the dignity of all lives.
Let’s not miss our chances to be witnesses.

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