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I have questions

By Darcy L. Fargo

Darcy Fargo

July 5, 2023

When my reminder goes off on my phone, the calendar entry says only, “Questions.”

After nearly 21 years together and 19 married, my husband and I realized we weren’t connecting as frequently as we used to. We were still talking regularly, but our conversations tended to center around day-to-day activities and not how we’re feeling mentally, physically and/or spiritually.

Thus, we started “Questions” around a year ago. While we’ve been a bit sporadic about it lately, we try to gather at a set time each night to ask each other three questions.

The format sometimes changes, but one thing has been consistent since about a month into this: We always start with “how are you feeling?” After that, we sometimes have questions that have formed naturally. Other times, we draw cards from general or couples’ conversation card decks or ask questions we’ve found through other sources of “conversation starters.”

Even after all these years, we regularly learn new information about each other through these questions. They create conversations that strengthen our bond with one another. One question card may result in a conversation that goes on for hours. On the days we do “questions” when I’m annoyed by or upset with my husband, it lessens those feelings dramatically.

I thought about our “Questions” exercise as I read the articles about Natural Family Planning (NFP) in this week’s edition. Those articles helped me realize what makes “Questions” special and helpful in our relationship. It’s part of why NFP is special and helpful. Both involve loving intentionally.

By doing “Questions,” we’re intentionally making time and space for our love in a way that helps us be who we’re called to be as a married couple. We’re not leaving it to our day-to-day whims and emotional fluctuations.

We’re saying, “we want to make time and space for each other even when it doesn’t seem convenient, even when we don’t feel like doing it. We want the unity to which God calls us.” Isn’t that what NFP is? It’s being intentional with our love. It’s following God’s call through our emotions and whims. It’s following God’s call to unity and beautiful love.

I’m not questioning that.


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